Exploring The Idea Of Finding A Home In A Significant Other
Home is where we want to return, where we feel safe, where we can lay our filters down. It is where we want to start from and end up to. It is the most comfortable escape and most confident stage. Now the question is can a person feel like home to someone? And when we call someone our home, that person, knowingly or unknowingly should fit in all or a few of the above criteria.
The concept of "home" has long been an emotional and psychological ideal that humans yearn for— For many, the search for this emotional refuge begins in romantic relationships. Let’s explore the evolving dynamics of romantic relationships, the changing values around loyalty, and the nuanced distinctions between consensual non-monogamy and infidelity. These concepts are important to consider while shaping a relationship to make it your permanent address.
When we talk about "home" in the context of a significant other, we're talking about a space where vulnerability is not only accepted but encouraged. In essence, a romantic partner who serves as home is someone who makes us feel seen, heard, and supported. But the idea of "home" in a relationship isn’t always so straightforward; it involves a delicate balance of trust, loyalty, and shared values.
Then and Now
In past generations, relationships were often founded on practical values such as stability, societal expectations, and the need to secure one's place in the world. Love was important, of course, but, practically, it wasn’t always the central driving force behind relationships. Over time, though, as society’s understanding of personal fulfillment and emotional connection evolved, the values driving relationships have shifted. Today, many seek relationships where emotional fulfillment, mutual respect, and personal growth are prioritized. In this context, the idea of finding a home with a partner becomes more about emotional safety and personal alignment than about external validation or societal norms.
Male and Female Ideas of Loyalty: Polygamy, Infidelity, and Consent
The topic of loyalty in relationships is nuanced and can vary greatly based on individual values, cultural influences, and personal beliefs. For men, particularly in the context of polygamy, loyalty is often understood through the lens of commitment to a primary partner, while simultaneously allowing for the possibility of multiple relationships. Polygamy, in this sense, is rooted in consent and mutual agreement, which distinguishes it from infidelity, where trust is broken and a partner's actions are hidden.
For women, loyalty can carry a slightly different meaning. Traditionally, many women have been expected to prioritize emotional and physical fidelity within a relationship, often viewing infidelity as a betrayal of the emotional bond. However, in consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships, where all parties are aware of and agree to the dynamics, women might find new interpretations of loyalty. Instead of seeing emotional or physical relationships with others as a betrayal, they might view it as a way to enrich their own understanding of connection and desire.
But whether in a monogamous or non-monogamous context, the concept of loyalty hinges on the agreement between partners—whether that agreement allows room for multiple emotional or physical connections, or whether it maintains exclusivity.
Infidelity vs. Consensual Non-Monogamy: Consent as the Key Difference
The confusion between infidelity and consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is understandable, given the overlap in behaviours. However, the core distinction is consent. Infidelity, regardless of its form—be it physical, emotional, or digital—is about deception. It occurs when one partner betrays the trust of the other, often without their knowledge or agreement.
On the other hand, CNM encompasses a variety of relationship structures, including polygamy, polyamory, open marriages, and open relationships, where all parties involved are fully aware of and agree to the non-exclusive nature of the relationship. CNM allows individuals to form meaningful, consensual connections with others, while still maintaining a primary emotional or physical bond with their partner. Polygamy and polyamory, subsets of CNM, typically require honest communication, trust, and agreement. Infidelity, in contrast, does not.
When, Why, and How Do We Find Home Outside the Home?
As someone reflecting on these dynamics, the idea of seeking a "home" outside the primary relationship is both fascinating and complex. It’s often a response to unmet emotional needs, unexpressed desires, or a longing for connection that feels absent in the current relationship. The question arises: Does the desire for connection start naturally—an impulse you can’t control—or is it born out of a conscious recognition of a need, followed by a deliberate search for something more?
For some, the idea of finding a home outside the primary relationship is more of an intuitive feeling—something that arises when they feel unfulfilled or disconnected. For others, it might be a conscious decision, a recognition that their emotional or physical needs are not being fully met, prompting them to explore outside the relationship. In either case, the desire to find emotional refuge in another person is real, and the context in which it occurs—whether consensual or non-consensual—matters greatly.
The Search
The idea of finding a home with a romantic partner is a deeply personal journey that involves both practical and psychological elements. For some, home is found in the safe space of monogamy, where emotional and physical loyalty forms the foundation of the relationship. For others, home might be sought outside the primary relationship—whether through consensual non-monogamy or, in some cases, infidelity.
At the heart of it all, however, is the idea of trust. Whether navigating the complexities of polygamy, polyamory, or infidelity, the idea of home rests on a mutual understanding of boundaries, needs, and expectations. Ultimately, the journey of finding a home with a romantic partner is about more than just physical closeness—it’s about finding a place, within someone else, where you can be your true self, free of judgment, and supported in your emotional vulnerability. So, have you found your home? Were you even looking for one?
Penned by Yeshasvi Pareek
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