What is patriarchy for society as a whole?

“A social system that gives power and control to men rather than women”.

It’s simple right? So for a (patriarchal) society, which we are, patriarchy is a system where men are privileged over women in many aspects be it related to society or a single-family unit.

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What is patriarchy for women?

For women, patriarchy is a wanted or unwanted dependency on the male members of the house for every big and small decision of their life. Some women see patriarchy as an unfair practice prevailing in society, being a hurdle to their personal growth, which they need to change. For other females in society, this is not a discussion-worthy concept at all. For them, the male is the power holder of the house and society which is the most natural thing for them. It has existed always like oxygen.

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Now the next question is, what is patriarchy for men?

Most of you will say that should not even be a question. For men, patriarchy is like a way of living. Patriarchy is making choices for their family, taking crucial decisions, and enjoying authority over other members including children and women. So, it sounds like patriarchy for men is like a goodie bag they receive for being born as a male. Agree? I think it’s too soon to nod.

Patriarchy is a concept favourable to men.

Says who?

says everyone but a man.

Though it is not entirely wrong that men undeniably enjoy some privileges over women, patriarchy is not all good for men. There are a few more perspectives in this case. Let’s see what men have to say about it.

“ Patriarchy is a social system which places men above women”. This simple definition of patriarchy and its very nature makes us think that patriarchy favours men and just works for them. Therefore, challenging patriarchy is usually seen as an attempt at the emancipation of women only. Little do we see and know about men being veiled victims of patriarchy in obscure ways. The reality is far more complex and nuanced. Men themselves are the sufferers of the male privilege system of this so-called civilised society. Here’s how.

Imagine a scenario, ‘Kanishka Murty cooks delicious food all day and takes great care of everyone’s food preferences in the family, besides randomly baking cakes for neighbours, and doing online window shopping. Kitchen gardening tops the list of Murty’s favourite pastimes’. Did you find anything weird in the above scenario? No right, everything is very normal. Kanishka Murty is a 39-year-old man. Now read it again. Felt a bit weird right? That’s what patriarchy has done to men. Nobody can even imagine a masculine figure cooking, baking, and gardening all day. Because a 39-year man is not at all expected to be at home all day unless his ‘JOB’ gives him the flexibility to do so.

From a very young age boys are taught to dominate, direct and dictate. They’re told to be loud and that aggression is the solution to all their problems. Patriarchal norms don’t let them be sentimental or open about their emotions. “Since my childhood, I was very sensitive. I couldn't raise my voice against anyone, was afraid of blood, and cried very often, and because of all these things, I was bullied everywhere. I used to think the problem was me. But no, it was the society,” says a man. Men can’t be their true selves as a person and chase their dreams which are deemed to be feminine as per the cultural code of conduct because then society would shame them for being unmanly. “My wife earns a handsome amount of money which is enough for both of us and I just want to chill at home and try different hobbies. She is absolutely fine with it, yet I am a 9 to 5 employee. Because how can I sit at home and send her alone to earn?” says a veiled victim of patriarchy.

“We talk about freedom a lot these days, I also want freedom from ‘society’s gaze’ if I insist on splitting the bill while spending my hard-earned money on a first date,” says a man. “If I am being weak and have an emotional outburst, please let me comfort myself by crying my heart out,” requests a man. “I don’t like sports bikes. I don't have enough physical strength to balance it,” confesses a man. “You know what pink is my favourite colour,” asserts a man. “I can’t feed a family of five, I need a helping hand,” demands a man. “In the next 5 years, I want to be a house husband,” wishes a man. A man says it all!

Yes! A man says it again and again and wants to say numerous things but we as a society never listen to them.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! don’t feel low, don’t worry about me, I will manage, I always do,” also says a man.

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Conclusion

Patriarchy is a complex and nuanced issue that affects both men and women. While men benefit from some aspects of patriarchy, they are also victims of the rigid gender roles that limit their choices and emotions. It's time to break free from the patriarchal norms and let everyone be their true selves, irrespective of their gender.

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